


uninvited guests must bring a little something

by ayuminb



Series: Modern!AU Adventures [10]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bob & Lya Are That Couple, Cat Is Done, Established Relationship, F/M, Ned @ Them, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, You Know - The One That Thinks Nothing Is Sacred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 18:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18783430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayuminb/pseuds/ayuminb
Summary: in which there is regret about handing out spare keys.





	uninvited guests must bring a little something

**Author's Note:**

> because [Bae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythunder/) asked for it.

And to think, it'd been such a lovely day to begin with.

 

*****

 

Their apartment, it is something he and Cat are immensely proud of. The one thing that set their relationship in stone, in his mind. Small, maybe, no guest room, the dining room joined with the living room, with a modest kitchen. It'd seemed so cold and unassuming when they'd bought it, but Cat had managed to turn it into a home.  _ Their  _ home.

 

It's something anyone who'll visit point out, how cozy it is. Which is why they both made an effort to keep the list of those who could have access to it when he and Cat weren't around fairly short. Only family, really. Brothers and sisters, although Brandon had been passed over for… obvious reasons; Lya, Benjen and Lysa all had a spare key to their apartment. And Robert.

 

Which is  _ why, _ having found Robert and Lyanna leaving the apartment a week ago hadn't been strange to him. Even their hasty behavior, as they rushed out with a wave and the news of dinner being ready. Lya had yelled they were late to pick up Mya, and that had been odd only as far as he saw them disappear as they ran down the stairs.

 

When told, Cat had pointed out maybe his sister had finally come to better terms with Robert's little daughter, and that it was great news if true, since her reticence was a constant source of arguments with Robert. So, he'd agreed, put the whole thing out of his mind.

 

Now, however,  _ now  _ Ned thinks he should've known better.

 

*****

 

Their arrival isn't unexpected; Robert had a tendency to drop by unannounced and since Ned told Lya his relationship with Cat is definitely steady, his little sister, too, likes to drop by, if often letting one of them know in advance. Or used to, before she began dating his best friend. So no, hearing the front door open and close, the call of their names, it's nothing out of the ordinary.

 

The cake— the cake definitely is.

 

“Did I forget… something?”

 

Catelyn smiles at him, but seems just as curious. “I think they finally understand the concept of bringing a little something when dropping by unannounced.”

 

Lya drops her gaze, then spares a quick glance at Robert, who carries the cake with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Yeah, you could… say that.”

 

“Really?“ Ned grins, waving for them to come with him to sit by the table, while Cat breezes into the kitchen. “You sure it isn't because you've done something you're trying to apologize for?”

 

His grin dies when Lya manages to go pale while her cheeks turn a bright red, and Robert's grin turns sheepish.  _ Oh no, _ he thinks,  _ no no no.  _ Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ned grits his teeth just as Cat returns with plates and forks and a knife. A tempting looking knife.

 

“What happened?” Cat is quick to ask.

 

Lya looks surprised by his reaction, as does Robert, surprised and hesitant, tentative. She meets Robert's eyes and Ned feels like breaking something.

 

He speaks before giving into this urge. “Robert, for fuck’s sake, tell me you didn't knock her up.”

 

“What?”

 

“No! No, I'm  _ not  _ pregnant!”

 

Their indignation is reassuring, so very much. “Oh, good.”

 

“Really, dude, I know I can be irresponsible at times but,” Robert makes vague gestures with his hand, “I'd never go as far, not with Lyanna.”

 

Lya frowns at him. “Honestly, Ned, what do you take me for?”

 

“Yes, what brought that on?” Even Cat wonders.

 

Ned shrugs, points at the covered cake. “They look like they've done something that I'll not be happy about, and brought a peace offering.”

 

“They could be just— no, you're right, this is too weird.” Contemplative blue eyes land on the couple across from them. “What's going on.”

 

Cat’s tone demands an answer even if she never really voiced the words as a question.

 

“Ned's sort of right, he'll… not be happy with…”

 

“Neither of you, actually,” Robert adds, though Lya elbows him for it. “Ouch!”

 

After a withering glares in her boyfriend’s direction, she turns back to face them. “The cake is a peace offering, an  _ apology _ .”

 

“I thought we'd agreed—”

 

“We  _ are  _ apologizing, Bobby.”

 

“I can't, Lya, you know I don't regret—”

 

“You’ll regret it soon enough if you don’t  _ shut up _ .”

 

As amusing as this back and forth is, Ned just wants to know what the hell is going on.

 

“Children, please,” it's Cat who interrupts them, “just tell us what you did. I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think.”

 

Lya winces, while Robert smiles sheepishly.

 

“Remember last week, Ned? When you came home and…”

 

“…we were leaving?” Lya shifts in her seat, averts her eye's for a moment before looking back at them. “Well, you see, we came to hang out and you were taking too long—”

 

“We thought to make you dinner, you know, to surprise you both, give Cat a break…”

 

“So, we thought, and then we were… and…” At a loss for words, his sister lurches forward and uncovers the cake.  _ “We’re really, really sorry!” _

 

Ned freezes, so does Cat, and while Robert insists he cannot be sorry for it, neither reacts. No, no. Their attention is on the cake in front of them, clearly not bought, but homemade. Simple in design and with big blue letters that spelled:

 

**_Sorry we fucked in your kitchen._ **

 

A shiver runs down his spine, and not of the pleasant kind. Cat makes a sound that's, somehow, a mix of despair and disgust and anger, and that seems to be what makes him really understand what it is they're apologizing for.

 

_ Oh gods,  _ his face twists in a grimace. “Is nothing sacred to you two?”

 

“We didn't plan it, it just happened,” defends Robert.

 

“In  _ my _ kitchen.” Cat shudders, wincing. “Ew.”

 

“And only the kitchen,” adds Lya in a rush, as if that would make it better. “We're so, so, so sorry.”

 

With not another word, his sister grabs Robert’s hand and pulls him after her, beating a hasty retreat. Ned doesn’t move until he hears the front door slam closed, and then sighs in frustration. In disgust, truly.  _ Nothing is sacred to them, godsdamned it. _ He wonders, briefly, how thoroughly they’ll have to clean it now that they know; how much bleach is truly enough?

 

The small table, so carefully chosen for this apartment, is shoved forcefully away, the dishes sliding dangerously close to the edge, the cake barely moving at all. Cat groans, growls, rages in silence, short of banging her fists on the table and, really, he wouldn’t blame her if she decided to break something.

 

“Cleaning might… help,” he ventures, tentatively.

 

“Not even with a ton of bleach, no, nothing will ever help or—” She growls again, shuddering, looking nauseated. “Only burning  _ might  _ help, yet… Oh god, my kitchen, everything in there is compromised now!”

 

Ned winces, draps an arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arms to try and soothe her. “I’ll think of something.”

 

“If that something involves moving out, then I’m all for it,” she deadpans.

 

“Yes, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”

 

Really, nothing else would ever suffice.

 


End file.
